Sea Mother

A step away from the usual I move out into the utter light of day under a mind of dark, a subconscious trained only to see the darker side of life and each being, tormented by demons unknown. Like a shadow of grey moving among the shiny happy people under the watchful eyes of Ra, a student of Anubis walks unchallenged. The light burns thru my skin my eyes blinded by light yet I walk on paths unknown oblivious to hurt or pain.
Guideless and alone in a world full of aliens stuck in mundane, I walk observing.
Until I reach the end of land and a sea of silver greets my dark shadow lost among the many puddles of ink. There sat a shade among the goddess of life, begging at her feet for a drought of understanding. Humbled by her, so silent, so subtle one was lost to the fathomless sea.
Encircled by silver light alone on the last rock a broken soul looking for peace and tranquility sat I. Lost yet found again in the beginning of life a soul devoted to death, finally cracks succumbs to the human trapped inside and the mail of darkness gives away.
There I sat long naked in the blinding light engulfed in light. The sounds slowly drown away the cries of birds, the wind on leaves, the water on rock, the click of crustaceans over powered by a silent force to gentle to notice. In silence hallowed by life her self sat one deemed to die, a mortal once more.
In the midst of a thousand fires upon the mounds of the sea I awoke to greet my dark, starless sky, alone in the dark of shadows. I raise to the doom place before me. With a last glance at the fading light I smile and walk into darkness enjoying the cold consuming my body. A memory of the silent light burns deep inside leading a broken soul to a darker dark.

the end

Let me lie under the great blue sky
Let me die in green seas of bliss
Let me look you once more in the eye
Let no shadow fall upon ur’ face
When upon me death turns his mace

Ever wonder how it will all end, the great story of our lives? I wish mine would end thus- and he lived happily ever after unto the ends of his days, yet some how deep inside my being I know my happily after is shrowed in mist and is yet unknown (note I say unknown).
Deep have I given thought to which path I trod upon, and as I look back I have come a long way and not spent much time looking around, it about time I lessen my pace and enjoy the journey, may be this be the vodka speaking. Yet a another day passes by, at the end of it my thoughts wonder as autumn leaves in the chill wind, scattered in chaos, yet one rest in the center of it all, in the green of its youth it would tell a story some thing like this –
It’s a afternoon, Sunday afternoon during the summer of 94, I am a few months past 4, and I waiting for some thing or someone, with my head resting on a thin window sill of grey marble, against the dark wooden window frame with blue nets, then my catch him in my gaze a thin old man, who looked only but a shadow of his past glory, yet some thing about him, was noble, his back only a little bent, his head held low yet a un broken smile of utter joy could not be hidden, he held a long black umbrella with a silver spike and a black leather bag which was a little weather worn but not too shabby, a news paper was folded under his left arm, but non of this was more captivating that his eyes a fire undying burned in them, yet it was a fire that did not burn to destroy but to bring warmth to all those caught in dreaded cold. I leave my watch post and dash to the balcony, in a blink I jump over the rails as light as a cat and rush up to greet him at the gate.
That great man was my grand-dad and was much like a father to me, he died about 7 years ago yet he has never quite left us, jokes we laughed on movies we watched have been immortalized in my memory. He died in his sleep I didn’t need the doctors to tell me he had a peaceful send off. He always slept peacefully. I think he knew it was his last day, yet he was not afraid and faced death and my heart tells me he laughed out loud in the face of death but I like to believe he asked death for a dance. He lived every day with a smile and died with laughter on his lips.
I wonder how I shall meet my end I wonder if I could match his last, but no I cant I strayed away from the path he lead me on and I doubt I can find my way back. I don’t think ill face death with any laughter; I don’t think I’ll ever sleep the long sleep.

Dust We are, to Dust we Return

All in all we are but dust, all dead as dust in the path of darkness, faithless revolutionaries jumping on religious insanity, may be we’r better off this way and this be me walking away, some day I might just look back and cry what a fucking disappointment you were to me. So this is me walking away.
A blood red sun set on yet another day last shimmers of day dying upon a thousand waves. Nicotine slipping away, loosing its touch every moment to day. And there I sat killing the life out of me, slowly intoxicating a stubborn mind, illusions a thousand fold drop of heaven above into me, bliss in the mist of chaos. If only a steady flow could seep thru unhindered, but then again this is life and a harsh tap awakens me from a deep bliss. The anger pumped up over and over seems to burst thru, anger filling up, I open my eyes look in to you, and silence touches me, the harsh awakening seems ages ago yet you seem so close, was it fate I chanced upon you.The stars fly by the earth moves yet there i sat oblivious to time. But then again you had to go, like water slipping away from my palms, disappearing into the dust and chaos. And I walk away, returning into the dust myself.

On some Morning

Sleeping over the cold floor feeling returning to my numb feet, and there I lay half awake with a head ache thinking of a thought that never was and will not ever be. The alarm goes the sad tone sickens my being I unfold myself from the tangled rag I have been using as my last defense from the minute blood sucking beast. And I sit there in the twilight the vision of my disorganized room floods my vision. A tiny point of light on my supposed bed only the glare of the sun on the camera lens, a smile cracks upon my face, the last of my joy still resist the darkness. I half crawl and walk towards the window its still dark for the most part, the moon still bright far away a crow greets the dawn, the gate keeper snores, I take of my jeans fumble in the grey dark and get hold of my towel walk into the dark damp and dead cold bathroom and walk into a rain of warm water; at last most of my body awakes from the dead chill. Feel my way for the soap I don’t find it, switch on the light, it blinds me a few moments later I rise from the floor still dazed by the sudden light half surprised I am not facing a prison search light, finally I find the soap under the sink don’t remember leaving it there. A couple of minutes or a hour later I walk out into the cold and leave a trail of wet silver to the room. It’s a bit more bright now, clouds of dust swirling and twirling in shafts of light and I am thinking of snow some where in Russia, it’s a wonder people call me pessimistic. The shoot of bamboo the only green apart from the grotesque figure of the hulk lay illuminated in the dark brown medicine bottle. I put on my tracks and a polo shirt, and walk thru my house that seems smaller, the walls some how imprisoning me, run my fingers over the cold metal of the door lock click it open and step out into a rush of cold wind, trop my self down the steps and skip my way out into the morning light, thinking of a time far gone by. And as I walk out I plan my day just as always I find my self on a path I never meant to take.

A Fair Meeting on Dark Paths

I chanced upon her, a few days back between the smoke and fumes, on a road littered with the remains of fire crackers, there our eyes met amid the sparks and flames, sweet smoke exits into a failing circle of white, those keen eyes shining golden brown, I knew it could not be for me I walked away lost in thought, when the 4 ended and the 6 began I did not know but the cigarette was at its life’s end I reached again for the pack the thought of chain smoking came into my head it was easily pushed away but that second of thought, that small distraction and the lighter slips time slows down my hand drops I feel the cold steel on the tip of my finger, but then it bounces out and then there an other dent
I bend down to retrieve my prize and then out of the conner of my eye I spy her again was she following me or was it just chance I straighten up and walk away, light up again and drift back into peace. I push her out of my mind its getting easier to do that of late pushing things out. but then again I turn and there she is following me faithfully I wonder why. Why? Does she follow me is she afraid, does she seek my help, does she need some thing, but then what do I have to give? I ask her point blank and straight, she continues to stare into my eyes, I turn away and walk slowly she moves like shadows in water swift yet slow easily overtaking me in a few strides I watch her she guides me on to paths I once walked a long time ago, and then she stopped as if to let me know she was waiting for me, it was a strange feeling of belonging, a smile broke upon my cracked lips. I walked up to her and stared back into my eyes I bent down and sat on the ground and stared into her eyes at last I put out my hand , her fur was sleek and soft it was a rich black. We walked more and she led me here and there it was nice to have company for once I didn’t find my self wanting to run away, nor the fear of rejection. It weird when all else fails and I take to walking dark roads of my subconscious mind, I find peace from a passing friend.
Never have I looked down upon them but I feel I have not honored these fair creatures enough. They are noble, and kind I heart, wise yet playful, the stars shine in their eyes yet they trod the streets as beggers, but royal is their heritage.

My joy lay in you pain

Ever have you wondered if u could be happy if u were merely being used for the moment? Some how I am happy? Some how I find joy that I was chosen, yes I the one to use. And why? Because I am soo addicted that I find the smallest excuse to not quit.
Just as I walk away I hear her voice whisper a smile that draws me closer to the flame.
Yet I know this is going to be only for a few days yet its worth all the heart ache it worth all the sleepless nights.
Addiction the best and worst thing to ever happen. And all I can shamelessly beg is for just a lil more time. What if don’t want to let go, what if don’t want to accept that is the end.
I watched you smile to day again I relived a memory long forgotten I felt the warmth of ur skin and all I can do is beg for more. Your still the same that smile wont ever change, it will always be the one I fall in love with, it will always remind of the best time of my life. Yet I know I must leave it behind yet I know I shall never kiss ur smile like I once did, and slowly the poison take control, finally I drift in to silence the sweet sound from far away plays me to sleep yet that smile wonders thru my mind, sending soft flames thru my body until I am consumed by the fire yet we are not to blame.
So for how long must I keep pretending everything’s all right, till slowly truth like a serpent slithers around me and crushes me to death?

Beyond the mist

The dark road of my thoughts pass by I drift into yet another surreal memory of a time gone by for ever of a place never to be the same again, I shall return here I promise my self, but I know it will never be what it once was to me. Why do memories of you haunt me by the dead of night and in the noon of day? I have pushed you away in every sense, yet again you seem to come back. I have merely distracted myself.
We spoke it was an illusion just that a lovely illusion your voice your smile, the sound of your laughter, my cheerful voice all but an illusion, but reality strikes back as soon as the call ends, such is the way of life. It has always been so yet I have never got used to it.
To every high there has been a low. Yet your memories return, words you spoke, places we went, the jokes we endlessly laughed on, and I ask the man up there this may be the only proof that you exist, you must be happy?
The rain falls, causing havoc among the still silent puddle, some where in the distance a bird screeches, and here I am observing how all shall be as I end.

Elements against me

(PLS enlarge i have written stuff)

This is how i got wet on 18/9/2007 @ 1:20 pm

Rained after some time, gave my imagination some life.

Lost in the Truth of the Lie

Ever have I said that lying is not wrong in fact I went forth to say that the lying can make life easier and its actually good it makes life less confusing.
I even said there are two types of lies and like every thing else a lie may me used or abused, it may be good or bad depending upon the liar.
According to me the deciding factor if a lie is good or bad was the motive of the lie in other word the reason for lying or as I like to call it the truth behind the lie, thus a lie could be good if the reason for lying is a righteous one.
I wish I could agree to that now but I can’t and if I do I would be lying and the truth of the lie would be to portray that I was not wrong and to ease my conscience and thus I would be lying to my self, yes not a very noble reason catch 22. I have often put forth a hypothetical situation to justify lying, now i use the same one to discredit it.
A situation like – if u were a surgeon about to perform a surgery wherein the patient had 90% chance of dying, and the man about to go into anesthesia looks up in to your eyes and ask if he will die, would you lie? 3 monts back I would say yes I would lie to hive him hope, but now I cant say that because the hope I would give to him would be a fools hope, and to give hope to a desperate man is dangerous. Hope can drive him crazy it can make him dream and then in a blink of an eye that dream can crumble into dust, no I would not want to lead some one right up the cliff only so he can fall to his death.
To lie and give hope seems good the, reason for lying is good, the means may be wrong but the result will over shadow it; but what if the result is not what u desired? Then the lie be wrong? What if that hope drives him gives him liberty to dream and then the only hope he had was false and his dreams crumble in to dust.
What would be better the harsh truth or false hope?
I went a step further and managed to lie to myself and I believed that lie I became a part of it and I gave my self hope, a hope that a dream would become real, but all that hope rested upon a lie. The lie which was me.

Under a blue sky

Lay roses under a sky so blue
once love blossomed
far away from the pain of the world
in a domain shrouded by mist
far into the space
where time matters not
lay roses under the blue sky
I saw thee there by the roses
I saw thee under the blue sky
Soo beautiful the lone figure
So pure from the grime
Of suffering she stood there
Alone in a world
Where roses lay under a blue sky
so far away from the suffering
yet so close it was
deep with in the lone suffering
that haunts the dark of night
yet by the dark u lay
among the thorns
under a sky so dark
awaiting the morning light
there you awoke under the blue sky
light within you so bright
a light fading away darkness.

The stone across my path

At last I take the long walk back away from what kept me going so long, I walk again with out a cause just for the sake of it devoid of expression, feeling and self.
The rain does not affect me, the cobbled path once made by slaves still persist in this desolate place the pain and sweat that soaks the very cement that holds it place has hardened it over the years; it has remained, it remained thru the years, changing slowly,
Its surface smoothened and polished by countless shoes. On that very path I walk, the rain soaking me, it does not matter the fire in me was put out much before on a much more sunny day.
I pass by statues of fallen heroes their lives immortalized by countless stories, yet in the rain they remain still their hearts stopped long ago all that’s left is a stone, a atone with their features. And I walk past them just like another stone. Walking past as the world around me chisels away, smoothening my self away from what I am until at last I crack and there i stopped halted in my tracks and finally I cracked.
As the rain came falling down on me, under the burden I cracked.

hmm

I find my self sourrounded by it

where ever i go

it follows.

Yet the one i love

i left behind

and cant seem to

see her any more.

To a lil bird that flew away

I walked into that room not knowing id find you, I walked in that room it was dark it was lonely I sat a while watched the time go by, learning each and every move of each and everyone savoring my prey. I sat there made my master plan. We laughed, drank and departed. My game was set, it was my arena and my rules everything fit into place, everything but u the girl in the dark. You sat there with your dark dress like me u watched the time go by and I could not see why, did u have a plan? I had to know I walked in to your trap you so lovingly set.
No I was mistaken let down even u had no plan you just sat there lost waiting to be found. Chance had it I would find my self in the same room with u again only this time u had a plan a feeble plan. You knew it would not work, I played it on my terms I came out of it clean. Chance plays with us in a funny way it so had it you find me yet again in your room. We spoke punctuated by red wine our minds let loose for once we both were without plans talking about wild dreams, flowing in and out of fiction and fact.
You sang I spoke it was a glorious melody. I told u my life you reflected yours.
But then it was not meant to be we walked away with a smile and mad dreams. Leaping without safety nets no cords to holds us back we took the plunge. And now our paths have come to divide we both knew we would not go all the way now at the junction we say our good byes, you smile yet a tear flows down, I look away a head on my own path.
Hoping that you reach the end safe and happy. All I could say was take care, I wish I knew more words for once.
Good bye may your path be safe and may the wind be swift bellow your wings.
Some day we might live to see the sun set yet again and watch the stars wake up and finish yet another bottle of wine.

TO my friends

OK This has been over due for far too long.
Hmm I want to start this with some thing most of u will not understand if u do I am amazed, I Johan Fleury, am a very friendly person I have uncountable friends and I can rely on them. Well that is a lie I don’t have friends I have accomplices but I have wrongly labeled some of them this post goes out to a few people I ran away from I went in to exile even when I was not banished. Well I do not regret it at all, I do miss all the amazing time we spent as friends but then again I did not realize it, I didn’t realize how much they thought me how much they became a part of me and how they contributed to my learning and growing up.
Well I am really not good at this you can ask esha she can tell you loads.
First I need to tell you all why I did what I did I am not proud of it in any way but none the less it was some thing that helped me grow up in to the person I am.
Well I did accept what I did, broke some thing special between me and esha and I am truly sorry for it, I accepted it and felt remorse but I did not realize it, in fact I did not want to realize it. But it always remained in my conscious and I put up walls of lies to suppress it I blamed it all on the distance and time ect ect but no it was not that it was me it was my fault we fell a part love did not just leave us I pushed it away. I did run away for realizing the hurt and pain I caused I ran away I distanced my self avoided you even.
But now I must confront you all, I made a great mistake and I can not expect you all to forgive me, it is some thing I will not forgive my self for, every day that’s the guilt I carry as a punishment for my wrong.
I am sorry for all of it.
I must thank you all.
Poorvi hope I get your names rite. Poorvi I have know you for longer that any one else,
My earliest memory of you is a long time ago I don’t know if u remember it but it was on valentines and you were teasing me that my valentine was my mom, we talked about your Mickey mouse sticker collection later. Hmm that was really really long back, ne way I got to thank you for letting me click you has helped me a lot, apart from that you also thought me not to underestimate a girl’s knowledge of foot ball.
Chandini (chana) yes I don’t know what I should thank u for, ummmm thanks for the really amazing pic I clicked of u and also all the funny moments hope it sunshines for you where ever u go. and I hope no chocolate factories blow up.
Pommy well I don’t remember spending much time with you except for trying to explain Deduction to you, I don’t think I did a good job.
Aprajita ah I wish we could be friends for longer, it was relly fun chatting with u and talking about stuff (life sucks and then u die –tell nikku I say hi al rite) ok I forgot what u got stuck on u know that thing u kept saying after the end of every sentence( was it you know or ok ) hey I wish I could think of more.
Gaurav- did talk a bit to you recently, always fun talink to some one almost as nutty as me, it was really stupid of me to hit you on the head cant help laughing thought hope I didn’t do any lasting damage.
Varun – I don’t know y I mention u ne way always met u no my way out so thanks for saying hi.
Anant- I remember you as a angry man who got drunk for a very long time still remember you hurling a bat at me and chasing me down the tank. Ne way thanks for the jokes and all those funny pics and your mostly useless advice.
Tannuj – ah I bet you will be feeling a bit bad ur down in the list any way thanks for all the nutty talks we had mr man with the master plan. The matrix talk we had which went from time travel to light years to space and aliens well wont forget that and I have not had a talk like that ever since.

Heman chit1 rathi ect ect you guys were a great laugh too.


Esha- I really don’t know what to say to you, I really wish I could take back all the hurt but I know I cant and I have to carry it everyday, I got to thank you for the person you helped me become. Thanks for being there and I am sorry I was not the same to you.
I hope you are happy and may u be happy no matter where you are and what you do.
Thanks soo much for all u gave me I’ll never forget it.


Ah I hope you guys read this I really do will try myy best to get it thru to you.

One fine Monday Morning

It was a Monday morning around 7:30 am the sky was grey, the clouds threatened to cast a down pour. I was well armed with my rain bow umbrella ( it was a umbrella that every 4 year old wanted it had all the colors red blue yellow pink green white and it had a steel spike at one end and a wooden knob at the other and it was huge too). So there I was walking to the bus stop on a Monday morning using the umbrella as a walking stick (I remember my grand pa used to own an umbrella just like mine except it was black and he used it a walking stick). The buss stop was not too crowded just a few kids waiting for the bus to school they were all clad in crisp and well ironed grey pants and white shirts and black prat ties and black umbrellas with smart schoolbags and jet black rain shoes I was a complete opposite of them in my crumpled beige cargos and yellow t-shirt and black and white sneakers with my very colorful umbrella. I drifted into a memory of my school years…then suddenly my eyes caught on to some thing very out of the mundane
Some thing we never see on dull Monday mornings a highly perky girl she was wearing ¾ jeans (I bet she would never call them that ) and a long sky blue top (I bet that would be called something else too) and a extremely flamboyant silver belt and yellow slippers. She walked across the road as if it were a green meadow dotted with colorful tulips. Slowly she sat her self on the bus stop, opened a book and immersed her self in it. I recognized the book at once it was The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho I just started to read that book and she seemed to be a few chapters ahead of me; why didn’t I bring along my copy I thought. It was only then I realized how very beautiful she was, her grey eyes and pointed ears and fair skin compelled me to think she was part elf she was not that tall and could not pass as a pure breed though. She looked towards me and I panicked it seemed a if she were reading my thoughts only then had I realized I was swinging my overly colorful umbrella all of a sudden I wanted to distance my self from it but she already spotted it and a hint of a smile broke upon her pink lips as she returned to her book I started to feel immature she held a book and I a rain bow umbrella!
Suddenly the sky let out a loud crack of thunder and bolts of lightening shot through the sky and the rain fell heavy drops of water bombarded the still puddle of water.
A bus roared some where in the distance I could see its out line but was not able to read its route number as it stopped near the stop all the school boys dashed to enter the bus it was however not my bus and I stayed on and so did the elf-girl.
I sat there watching her out of the conner of my eye she looked so familiar it was as if she was m friend in a past life. I did think of asking her name or making small talk, but it was hard to string words into a sentence not matter how much I toyed with them they sounded funny and immature. My mind was getting tired and I was just going to d it without a thought and go for it and I turned towards her she didn’t seem to notice me getting up or turning to wards her and then I heard the bus roar like a lion at the end of its life accepting death it was the one I was waiting for I could make out the hindi numerals, I opened my umbrella and was enormously embarrassed I was just about to take a step out in to the rain when I heard a “Excuse me!” ring out behind me it was soft and sweet yet it was powerful and if pushed it would cause armies to flee, I stopped dead in my tracks I looked back and said yeah a bit more loud than I intended to she looked down and said in a very shy tone “ could u please help me in the bus” I must have looked very confused because she began to explain “I don’t have an umbrella and I was hoping you could share” I shot out like a gun “Yes its big enough for two!” she stepped ahead into the cover of my over large umbrella and I walked behind her she go in well and dry I wet my side but that didn’t matter there were only one seat unoccupied she sat at the window as I folded my umbrella and I went and sat beside her. The conductor came along the bus clicking his ticket puncher he came to me I said one ticket national collage and handed him a 100 rupee note he complained and demanded for change I didn’t have any (on Mondays I get my weekly pocket money 500rs and that’s all I had 5 100 rupee notes) he asked me to get out of the bus I began to argue in my broken hindi and then the angel beside me held out to ten rupee notes and said in a highly distorted hindi 2 tickets national I think I put on my confused face again she took the tickets and the conductor stomped away. I asked her why she paid my fair she said she wanted to repay the favor I did her, I said she didn’t have to she smiled it away ignoring my protesting expression. She said to me looking at my umbrella – you really like color don’t you? I knew what she was getting at but I acted dumb and replied why do u ask she looked me in the eye and said with a sarcastic smile no your umbrella is all black white and grey that’s why. I shot back your not too mellow your self are you? She said with a tone of authority I am a trend setter and broke into a girly giggling fit. All I could do was fall in love with that sound. She must have noticed some thing and asked me why I like photography? I was dumbstruck again she read my mind yet again and began to explain that no body but a photo enthusiast would carry a camera on a day like this, I bet I looked more confused that before because she smiled and went on to point at my camera on my waist. I told her that she was very observant and a quick thinker. I went on to tell her why I like photography so much (if u know me well u don’t need me telling u again if u don’t its better if I tell u in person this way u wont understand) she was the one dumbstruck this time the blank expression did not look good on her it made her look all funny and a wee bit scared.
I asked her bout her self and I got more than I asked for maybe she trusted me or she is talkative by nature I think the later it went on and on from her mom and dad to her best friend and her ex and his new gf who is her cousin ect and then she ends it by saying so that’s me and my life I replied too much info too less time what’s your name again?
It stopped raining and we had reached national collage we stepped of the bus
I was heading for band stand I asked her where she was off to she said she had to meet someone in Bandra gym Khana I offered to drop her off she accepted and we stopped a rick and zoomed of into the by lanes it was a quite ride we stoped at gym khana she said bye I said it was nice meeting her and she smiled and walked thru the gate I watched her disapper in the swarm of people only then I realized that I didn’t take a single picture of her!
Funny when every thing goes our way we take it for granted but do not realize the small things in life means soo much more if we just look in to it.

Solitude

As always I sat there, slowly drifting into oblivion in to blissful peace, yet I crib I am alone I complain about my solitude when I crave it the most I still sit there and complain.
Finally I am where I have wished I would find peace, yet there is none to find.
Memory it nags us all,, do you remember the day I told you the world is a stage and we are all actors playing our parts in the great play of life and I lost my script, those words seem more real than ever truth be told I never had a script I never had a part to play my role was brief and minuscule, trivial, I would be the guard at the gate or the messenger-boy not any more than a insignificant filler. But how could I be that no I would not let it I created my own character someone who sat in the shade, yet never forgotten. I wore the grey suit and shrouded my self in mystery appearing in the chaos of life as a rebel, the man with the master plan. Yet under it all I was still the pathetic frail messenger-boy filler. I let go of my rebellious ways and took walked the side lines of the story until I saw that girl with the sweetest smile I fell in love, it didn’t matter if I ever got on center stage I didn’t need if I could just be with you and watch you smile. But as all plays nothing is direct noting is clear nothing is straight every road is hard and filled with thorns. I let go of my crazed dream. The play carried on thru love war and peace yet one of its insignificant actor didn’t care just continued to act as the situation demanded changing costumes making acquaintances and loosing friends and slowly sliding to decay. the curtain closed and the props change love blooms and falls war and peace don’t matter any more friends don’t matter nothing matters until dreams catch up on the actor on the side line the script drastically changes chance favors me I walk into the open door I take a bite of the forbidden fruit and its taste excites me it’s a fearful excitement the mad surge of energy before the plunge. I see you again but that smile is not the same I crave for it I need to see it I look for my script I need to know what to do but then again I don’t have one I never did it plays on I take your hands in mine it felt so right it felt it would last for ever I wanted it to last for ever. I follow my heart and walk the side lines of the play but yet I don’t care of my trivial role, for it has you beside me, you smile I watch you and I am happy. Plays have a way of their own and there in a blink it falls a part.
As always I sat there, slowly drifting into oblivion in to blissful peace, yet I crib I am alone I complain about my solitude when I crave it the most I still sit there and complain.
Finally I am where I have wished I would find peace, yet there is none to find.
Why do we care about scripts when we have none why do I care a bout a stage that does not need me? Why am I haunted by questions I left behind with you why am I so far away from what I seek?
Why do I ask the question why?

close you eyes and remember

Close your eyes let winter pass
Let the wind blow its self away
The cold die down
Close your eyes and remember
Close your eyes for me
Let the hurt and pain fade away.
Deep in that cave
The cold and dark we stay
Its consumes us as our eyes close
The pain dies
And frozen we lay
Numb with the pain.

HAPPY FRIENDSHIP DAY

Someone who was more than a friend to me


My fur ball Mr.Brown didn't want to wear the the gold
best friend bracelet i got him :-(


Collage buds(sorry if i have missed u out don't have many pics)


Belscot (If u cant see yourself ur some where under the pile)


To the best friend i have ever had
and will ever have


HAPPY FRIENDSHIP DAY

Goody 2shoes

Mogra

The sent of the old world gone by

rest now in my palm

so bewitched and enchanted am I

by you O sweet little Jasmine.

The tilt was intentional,

not caused by the intoxicating sweet fragrance

but by now I am high and a bit dizzy.

Wish I could capture the total essence of this flower.

(clicked with cybershot P10)

One step closer

Clicked by Mr Bushan with his Ex cam(cybershot W10)

*ing me

The unPedicured

GARFIELD

To a certain vampire from mars

At a snail's pace

The Filtered leaf

Draco

Shadow bird

I never knew i would like crows so much
i shall post more pics of them have a few good close ups

Lights......Camera......... FishBowl and ya the Freak Shoot!!!!!!

HMmmMmmmmmMmmmmMmmMmmmm

boredom can lead you a lot of disastrous situations and vodka and sprite and you get the above!!!!!!!!!

Yes my life is boring i am a very very sad person

anti social and loving it

i think this be a very unorthodox picture shoot

I highly doubt my friends shall see these pics or read any of this

but still too it was fun chillin with u and i do miss that at times

but hey i got a helleovaalott of pics of you so cheers!!!!!

the next time i am bored ill do some thing like the pic below

Supernatural Paranormal Phenomenon

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm

so this has been keeping me buzy needless to say it is photoshoped its original is Wheel of light

pls do comment on my Supernatural Paranormal Phenomenon

i have uploaded a better version of it hope u like

Jet dreams

Butter not flying

Phoenix

Spirit of mirth

i have been verry BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZIE

Gulmohar

have a look at the link for more info cheers!!!!


http://www.arkive.org/species/GES/plants_and_algae/Delonix_regia/more_info.html