THE other SIDE: August 2007

Friday, August 31, 2007

One fine Monday Morning

It was a Monday morning around 7:30 am the sky was grey, the clouds threatened to cast a down pour. I was well armed with my rain bow umbrella ( it was a umbrella that every 4 year old wanted it had all the colors red blue yellow pink green white and it had a steel spike at one end and a wooden knob at the other and it was huge too). So there I was walking to the bus stop on a Monday morning using the umbrella as a walking stick (I remember my grand pa used to own an umbrella just like mine except it was black and he used it a walking stick). The buss stop was not too crowded just a few kids waiting for the bus to school they were all clad in crisp and well ironed grey pants and white shirts and black prat ties and black umbrellas with smart schoolbags and jet black rain shoes I was a complete opposite of them in my crumpled beige cargos and yellow t-shirt and black and white sneakers with my very colorful umbrella. I drifted into a memory of my school years…then suddenly my eyes caught on to some thing very out of the mundane
Some thing we never see on dull Monday mornings a highly perky girl she was wearing ¾ jeans (I bet she would never call them that ) and a long sky blue top (I bet that would be called something else too) and a extremely flamboyant silver belt and yellow slippers. She walked across the road as if it were a green meadow dotted with colorful tulips. Slowly she sat her self on the bus stop, opened a book and immersed her self in it. I recognized the book at once it was The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho I just started to read that book and she seemed to be a few chapters ahead of me; why didn’t I bring along my copy I thought. It was only then I realized how very beautiful she was, her grey eyes and pointed ears and fair skin compelled me to think she was part elf she was not that tall and could not pass as a pure breed though. She looked towards me and I panicked it seemed a if she were reading my thoughts only then had I realized I was swinging my overly colorful umbrella all of a sudden I wanted to distance my self from it but she already spotted it and a hint of a smile broke upon her pink lips as she returned to her book I started to feel immature she held a book and I a rain bow umbrella!
Suddenly the sky let out a loud crack of thunder and bolts of lightening shot through the sky and the rain fell heavy drops of water bombarded the still puddle of water.
A bus roared some where in the distance I could see its out line but was not able to read its route number as it stopped near the stop all the school boys dashed to enter the bus it was however not my bus and I stayed on and so did the elf-girl.
I sat there watching her out of the conner of my eye she looked so familiar it was as if she was m friend in a past life. I did think of asking her name or making small talk, but it was hard to string words into a sentence not matter how much I toyed with them they sounded funny and immature. My mind was getting tired and I was just going to d it without a thought and go for it and I turned towards her she didn’t seem to notice me getting up or turning to wards her and then I heard the bus roar like a lion at the end of its life accepting death it was the one I was waiting for I could make out the hindi numerals, I opened my umbrella and was enormously embarrassed I was just about to take a step out in to the rain when I heard a “Excuse me!” ring out behind me it was soft and sweet yet it was powerful and if pushed it would cause armies to flee, I stopped dead in my tracks I looked back and said yeah a bit more loud than I intended to she looked down and said in a very shy tone “ could u please help me in the bus” I must have looked very confused because she began to explain “I don’t have an umbrella and I was hoping you could share” I shot out like a gun “Yes its big enough for two!” she stepped ahead into the cover of my over large umbrella and I walked behind her she go in well and dry I wet my side but that didn’t matter there were only one seat unoccupied she sat at the window as I folded my umbrella and I went and sat beside her. The conductor came along the bus clicking his ticket puncher he came to me I said one ticket national collage and handed him a 100 rupee note he complained and demanded for change I didn’t have any (on Mondays I get my weekly pocket money 500rs and that’s all I had 5 100 rupee notes) he asked me to get out of the bus I began to argue in my broken hindi and then the angel beside me held out to ten rupee notes and said in a highly distorted hindi 2 tickets national I think I put on my confused face again she took the tickets and the conductor stomped away. I asked her why she paid my fair she said she wanted to repay the favor I did her, I said she didn’t have to she smiled it away ignoring my protesting expression. She said to me looking at my umbrella – you really like color don’t you? I knew what she was getting at but I acted dumb and replied why do u ask she looked me in the eye and said with a sarcastic smile no your umbrella is all black white and grey that’s why. I shot back your not too mellow your self are you? She said with a tone of authority I am a trend setter and broke into a girly giggling fit. All I could do was fall in love with that sound. She must have noticed some thing and asked me why I like photography? I was dumbstruck again she read my mind yet again and began to explain that no body but a photo enthusiast would carry a camera on a day like this, I bet I looked more confused that before because she smiled and went on to point at my camera on my waist. I told her that she was very observant and a quick thinker. I went on to tell her why I like photography so much (if u know me well u don’t need me telling u again if u don’t its better if I tell u in person this way u wont understand) she was the one dumbstruck this time the blank expression did not look good on her it made her look all funny and a wee bit scared.
I asked her bout her self and I got more than I asked for maybe she trusted me or she is talkative by nature I think the later it went on and on from her mom and dad to her best friend and her ex and his new gf who is her cousin ect and then she ends it by saying so that’s me and my life I replied too much info too less time what’s your name again?
It stopped raining and we had reached national collage we stepped of the bus
I was heading for band stand I asked her where she was off to she said she had to meet someone in Bandra gym Khana I offered to drop her off she accepted and we stopped a rick and zoomed of into the by lanes it was a quite ride we stoped at gym khana she said bye I said it was nice meeting her and she smiled and walked thru the gate I watched her disapper in the swarm of people only then I realized that I didn’t take a single picture of her!
Funny when every thing goes our way we take it for granted but do not realize the small things in life means soo much more if we just look in to it.

Solitude

As always I sat there, slowly drifting into oblivion in to blissful peace, yet I crib I am alone I complain about my solitude when I crave it the most I still sit there and complain.
Finally I am where I have wished I would find peace, yet there is none to find.
Memory it nags us all,, do you remember the day I told you the world is a stage and we are all actors playing our parts in the great play of life and I lost my script, those words seem more real than ever truth be told I never had a script I never had a part to play my role was brief and minuscule, trivial, I would be the guard at the gate or the messenger-boy not any more than a insignificant filler. But how could I be that no I would not let it I created my own character someone who sat in the shade, yet never forgotten. I wore the grey suit and shrouded my self in mystery appearing in the chaos of life as a rebel, the man with the master plan. Yet under it all I was still the pathetic frail messenger-boy filler. I let go of my rebellious ways and took walked the side lines of the story until I saw that girl with the sweetest smile I fell in love, it didn’t matter if I ever got on center stage I didn’t need if I could just be with you and watch you smile. But as all plays nothing is direct noting is clear nothing is straight every road is hard and filled with thorns. I let go of my crazed dream. The play carried on thru love war and peace yet one of its insignificant actor didn’t care just continued to act as the situation demanded changing costumes making acquaintances and loosing friends and slowly sliding to decay. the curtain closed and the props change love blooms and falls war and peace don’t matter any more friends don’t matter nothing matters until dreams catch up on the actor on the side line the script drastically changes chance favors me I walk into the open door I take a bite of the forbidden fruit and its taste excites me it’s a fearful excitement the mad surge of energy before the plunge. I see you again but that smile is not the same I crave for it I need to see it I look for my script I need to know what to do but then again I don’t have one I never did it plays on I take your hands in mine it felt so right it felt it would last for ever I wanted it to last for ever. I follow my heart and walk the side lines of the play but yet I don’t care of my trivial role, for it has you beside me, you smile I watch you and I am happy. Plays have a way of their own and there in a blink it falls a part.
As always I sat there, slowly drifting into oblivion in to blissful peace, yet I crib I am alone I complain about my solitude when I crave it the most I still sit there and complain.
Finally I am where I have wished I would find peace, yet there is none to find.
Why do we care about scripts when we have none why do I care a bout a stage that does not need me? Why am I haunted by questions I left behind with you why am I so far away from what I seek?
Why do I ask the question why?

Thursday, August 30, 2007

close you eyes and remember

Close your eyes let winter pass
Let the wind blow its self away
The cold die down
Close your eyes and remember
Close your eyes for me
Let the hurt and pain fade away.
Deep in that cave
The cold and dark we stay
Its consumes us as our eyes close
The pain dies
And frozen we lay
Numb with the pain.